When the Zombies come marching in...

Good day ladies and gents!!  It's that time of year again. No, not diwali or christmas!

No, I am referring to the recently kick-started (and MUCH anticipated) second season of The Walking Dead, the mega-hit TV adaptation of Robert Kirkman's amazing comic odyssey on the undead. It paints a stark and real picture in a genre much-maligned (at times VERY justified) because of the loads of BAD movies that have come out over the years - in fact its a picture so real that the comic has been running for over 90 issues now and the show is a runaway success as well. 
The biggest thing about The Walking Dead is how relatable and real everything including the characters are and for some of us who are more inclined to believe such an apocalypse is a possibility (and believe us there are quite a few including some of our own). 
So with that in mind, we here at ComicAddicts elected to bring you some info on zombies and what to expect when the ectoplasm hits the fan!

Survival is the first thing that pops in one’s mind when asked about the zombie apocalypse, all thanks to comic books, movies and grandma’s bedtime stories. All I can say is that if yours read you those, that is one cool grandma.
Take care of her. Until the zombies get to her that is...

How about a bed time story?

Nothing like a zombie apocalypse family photo! So cute!

Zombies have been the fodder for many memorable graphic novel plots. The Walking Dead is my favourite over all. Closer home we have Level 10 Comics that have unleashed zombies on Bangalore. If comic books are to be believed then you better clean your shotgun, stockpile your ammo, build an electrified fence and be ready to kiss your ass goodbye, unless you are already a zombie and might be tempted to bite off your own hindside. But, though I take comics seriously, I disagree on the whole ‘zombie apocalypse’ scenario.

Here’s the deal. Humans have survived the elements, natural disasters, wild animals, epidemics, plaques and other humans including mother-in-laws. After all that, you think we are going to be subdued by a jittery pile of rotting flesh with a semi solid brain, two syllable vocabulary and a top speed of 3 km per day?

In the words of Scrooge, Bah Humbug. The zombies are not to be afraid of. It is the local dentist you need to be wary about. Why? Simple. Zombies are basically rotting bodies. They are falling apart right? You can knock off their teeth with a sneeze. No teeth, no bite. No bite, no turning into a Zombie. Hmmm….maybe you should stockpile snuff or feathers to ensure you can sneeze on demand if attacked by a zombie! The problem arises if the dastardly dentist gives them a set of false teeth! You got some real problem then. Especially if you stockpiled snuff and feathers. What are you gonna do? Tickle the zombies?

You might ask why a dentist would do that. (Unless you are a dentist and you know the answer) Simple. Dentists are universally hated. Name a movie or two where the hero or heroine is a dentist. People ignore them until they have to either pull out their aching tooth or pull out a gun to shoot themselves and stop the pain caused by the tooth. No one smiles at the dentist’s clinic, almost everyone yells like a 5 year old. Leaving the 5 year olds confused about whom to yell like. Some even try to bite off the dentist’s finger while the poor sod is trying to do a root canal. Dentists would definitely want to return the favour by helping zombies take a bite out of you! So call up your dentist and say hi. Invite him over or dinner. Ignore the dentist at your own risk!

Oral hygiene is a must for all zombies

After the dentist, call up your insurance guy. The insurance industry is going to make a lot of money during the zombie apocalypse. Imagine if you have a health cover and got bitten by a zombie. Which policy covers a zombie bite? Got a life insurance to provide for your family and then got bitten by a zombie? Well technically you ain’t dead. You are roaming around biting people. If someone shoots off your noggin, then question arises whether you died or a zombie died? See, you ceased to exist when you became a zombie but the zombie was undead and then the zombie died but he wasn’t you! Confused? Well if someone like me can confuse you; imagine what the insurance company’s legal team is going to do? Insurance companies and their lawyers must be frothing at their mouth in excitement thinking of all the claims they won’t have to pay! So call them up and get matters cleared right now.

If you are deciding what career to pick up, I would recommend working for Nike or any shoe making company. As I mentioned being an insurance agent or a lawyer is lucrative too. But, personally, I would rather be a zombie than an insurance agent or a lawyer! Plus those career options will eventually cease to exist. How are agents going to sell life or health insurance when majority of the population ends up being undead? It would be easier to sell snowballs to Eskimos. Plus lawyers are supposed to be ambulance chasers. If the patient transforms midway and breaks out, the lawyer will have to run away from the very ambulance he was chasing! He too is going to need those sports shoes! So avoid the initial temptation and go for sport shoe making company. After all, running will become a worldwide phenomenon with zombies prowling everywhere. The demand for sport shoes will sky rocket. The stampede at shoe sales will put the zombie hordes to shame. So listen to me and just do it!

Just run for it.

There are many more things you probably haven’t considered and need to ponder over. But ponder over this for now. Chances are the zombie apocalypse has already occurred. We are already zombies. Think of zombies as an analogy. The zombie is someone who is driven by the need to feed. A zombie displays a herd mentality even if the herd is heading towards Chuck Norris. There is no purpose. No appreciation of the good things in life. No thoughts about what one wants to do on his own. Just a blind urge to satisfy oneself. But there is no satisfaction no matter how much they eat. They can’t bear someone who is different from them. They either want to destroy such a creature or make him or her one of them. They hunt in a herd yet never care about one another. Reminds you of anyone you know? Sure as hell seems to be an accurate description of the human race.

I know many people like that. Hell, I am one of them most of the time. One doesn’t have to die to be dead. Guess that is what it means to be undead! I’ll stop before I give Deepak Chopra an inferiority complex. Just want to say that as far as the zombies are concerned, they’re dead. That’s their excuse. What’s yours?